Mature Dating: Understanding the real meaning behind a guy’s messages
We’ve heard that men and women are from different planets…Author Michael Gray has written a series of books on improving communication between the sexes in "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus." He proposes the reason mature men and women can not communicate is because we speak different languages. Perhaps we can understand his thinking by starting at the beginning of attraction, dating.
Kristin recently wrote a blog about "Telling a Guy That You’re Not Interested: Part 2." Here’s an excerpt:
People send mixed messages. Especially men since they are so driven by attraction. It’s not apparent at all how they feel about you until they follow up for a second date. A lesson I have learned is to not necessarily pay attention to what a man says, but what he does in his actions. His actions say all of what is true and real.
So true! Taking this into account, I thought it would be interesting to research the most common dating messages from mature men and try to understand what the words really mean and what their actions will reveal.
I found a great article on eHarmony "Dating Men: When He Says ‘X’, He Means ‘Y’". Below are 10 common dating messages and what he really means. (A more detailed explanation behind the guy’s message is available here.)
1. “I’d love to come in, but I have to get up early tomorrow.”
Really means one of these two options:
• 99% – “I don’t feel great chemistry with you.”
• 1% – “I’m dog tired and I have to get up early.”
2. “What did you do this past weekend?”
Really Means – “Do you have a life? Do you have friends or are you looking for me to provide all your entertainment?”
3. “I need some space.”
Really means one of these two options:
• 98% – “I need a new girlfriend.”
• 2% – “I think I might need a new girlfriend, and I need some distance so I can decide for sure.”
4. “I had a nice time. I’ll give you a call.”
Really Means – “The time we spent together was not unpleasant, and I don’t really know how to say goodnight without telling you I’ll call. I might call you, but don’t hold your breath.”
5. “Yes, I’m interested in a serious relationship.”
Really Means – “I’m carefully assessing every woman I meet, and when I find one that feels just right. I’ll marry her.”
6. “You’re beautiful.”
Really Means – “You’re really beautiful.”
7. “It’s not you, It’s me.”
Really Means – “I’m doing the dumping, so technically it is me, not you. But I’m breaking up because I just don’t feel it for you. I’m sure you don’t want a personality critique so this is an easier way to end it.”
8. “She’s just an old friend.”
Really means one of these two options:
• 98% “She’s someone I used to date.”
• 2% “I once made a move on her and she wasn’t interested.”
9. “Work is crazy right now. I just don’t have time for a relationship.”
Really Means – “I’m not interested in a relationship with you.”
10. “I’m not interested in anything serious. I just want to have fun.”
Really Means – “I just want to have a physical relationship.”
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I think mature women are also guilty of using these mixed messages. I have a girl friend who recently went on a fourth date with a guy. The date didn’t go so well. She invited the guy to her house to watch a movie, but then decided she wasn’t ready to take it to the next level. He’s called since the date. She has not followed up. She has decided she’s going to tell him she wants to focus on her career right now. Real message: "I’m not interested in dating you anymore."
Both sexes will agree it is easier to tell a little white lie than to be honest about our feelings. Yes, we want to spare their feelings too, but I think it’s a little more selfish than selfless.
No one wants to feel bad, regardless of whether you are from Mars or Venus.
*Use the message decoder (embedded in this email) on your next date.
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The image used on this blog is the Secret Decoder Valentine Card by Norma “Crankbunny” Toraya, available for purchase through her etsy store. (Her store is currently closed October 30 – November 15th.)
